Let’s imagine

Two things

First

A life worth living

Second

A life godforsaken

How is it

That both can be true at once?

Remember with me

The life that I’ve lived

The ups and downs

The highs and lows

The numbness in between the light

The storm

Surely

I will miss

That heartbreaking life

Surely

I must want

That heartbreaking living

Surely

I can’t

Let go of that

heartbroken

heart

The aching familiarity

The breathtaking knowing

Of what’s it like

To live

To die

To keep on going

Sometimes I think of

Sweet, painless, blissful

End

Sometimes it’s

Drip drip

Dripping down my forearms

Sometimes

It’s stumbling and not getting up

Sometimes

It’s

All I ever want

But

I’m scared

Sometimes

It’s too much

If there was a state between life and death

Where living was a choice and dying constant

I’d willing succumb to that eternal numbness of not being