The aching familiarity

The breathtaking knowing

Of what’s it like

To live

To die

To keep on going

Sometimes I think of

Sweet, painless, blissful

End

Sometimes it’s

Drip drip

Dripping down my forearms

Sometimes

It’s stumbling and not getting up

Sometimes

It’s

All I ever want

But

I’m scared

Sometimes

It’s too much

If there was a state between life and death

Where living was a choice and dying constant

I’d willing succumb to that eternal numbness of not being