Weighing Down

It’s not so much a fog

Nor a heaviness in my bones

I am everywhere

Torn apart

I fill the room

The house

The world

I hear

I feel

I see

Everything

I cannot possibly lift myself up

When everything around me is weighing down

Trash came on Thursdays

Trash came on Thursdays

I knew this

I planned for this

When I picked up my life

Snuck outside

And tossed it out

Waiting for someone to come and stop me

But trash came on Thursdays

It was a routine

That I knew

And planned for

It was a routine

That my family knew too

So of course

No one came to stop me

From ruining my own life

I See You

Days seem endless

Nights never long enough

Mistakes climb higher

And topple me to the ground

Why did I do this?

Regret was never so instant

Blink, blink, blink and I’ll miss it

It will be gone

But no, no

Its still here

Blink, blink, blink and I’ll wake up

And return to reality

But no, no

I cannot hide from this

You see me

You see me

And I,

I see you

The Axe

It was the axe that got me first

At least I think it was

It’s all blurred together now

An endless torment of pain and despair

Waiting for the next wave of it

Blind and deaf

Wondering when it will hit

But I’m pretty sure

That the axe came first

And the fall

Well, the fall came second

Yelling

No no no no

“No noNo!”

Louder

Meaner

“Please, I don’t like it when you yell”

Sorry sorry

“Sorry I’ll-“

Do better

“I’ll-“

Be better

“I’ll-“

Movement

Sound

Shirt on my skin

Nono no

No nonono

“NononONO!”

Too much

It’s too much

No

Stop it

Please

I don’t like it when I yell

Explosive Apologies

I’m sorry

“Okay” they say

I breathe in

I breathe out

Lights flicker on, off

In my side view

A fan hums, constant

Noise in my ears

Something flys by, lands

On my skin

They breathe in

They breathe out

In

on

hums

Out off

Fly hums

In out on off hums itsonme

In

OutoutoffinhumonoffhummoutoutinonononononN ON ON

I explode